What you wanna know - -Through The Blurred Lines*

What you wanna know

I am nineteen years hurt, -6 years sober. Name doesn’t matter. I have a boyfriend, and a best friend, and I am deeply in love with both of them. Everyday I struggle to not just leave it all behind. Sometimes I give up, sometimes I power through the veil placed in front of my face. I guess you’ll take the journey with me.

Dear Tiffanie,

    If your reading this, then that means you’ve solved the riddle. Yes, it was me who has made changes to your layout…but only too your benefit. I know how much you look up to Marilyn Monroe, and can understand why as well…which is why I’ve left you with this. This is just mere proof that I idolize you just as much as you do her. Remember two years ago, when we were lying in bed, and you wrote on my ceiling with the chalkand as you lied down next to me, and we both looked up at it, you read it aloud.

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a girl in a big world just trying to find someone to love."

that was the day that being your best friend just became to hard. To be honest, I’m not really to say whether or not you really love me as much as I love you…but I know this love would never work. Our hearts have betrayed our minds, and so that leaves us at polar opposites. Together, we could make each other so happy…but with that gift of happiness, would be the danger of utterly destroying each other. And…as I type this down secretly in your about me, my only concern is with you. I wouldn’t mind if you destroyed me, because your one of three people I would allow that privilege…but I could never be with you knowing I might hurt you.

This is farewell and goodbye…if I haunt you in your dreams, I’m sorry. If I echo in your mind, forgive me. And if I fade from your memory, that is okay.

One day, I hope to return to you…as somebody you will not recognize. Maybe then I can lie next to you once more, without the fear of you loving me.

-Your Biggest fan, and distant Best friend

// . Notes . Reblog